I am pretty sure that most people believe that this is a hard time of year for me. For several years it really was. I use to cry so much thinking about THIS very day back in 2004. I could only remember holding Tyler's hand as I watched him slip away. 

Recently I have realized that I have put so much into THIS day, his last day, his last breath rather than his life. Of course I will never forget what happened and how I felt when Tyler died. But it is time for me to move forward with his life and his smile in my heart. 

I would like to share my favorite memory of Tyler and me. 

Tyler and I went went for a hike with our friend Adam on a nice bright sunny day up Provo Canyon. At first it was a simple little hill. But as we kept going the trail got steeper and steeper until finally it leveled out to a huge rock slide. Adam just bounced his way to the top and disappeared back onto the trail. I on the other hand had a very hard time trying to make my way up the rock slide. Tyler kept grabbing my hand and pulling me up to him. Any time I tried on my own I would end up sliding backwards down the hill. 

I started to get tired and frustrated. So I grabbed onto a tree and told Tyler to just go without me and to meet me at the bottom when him and Adam were done. He told me not to give up and that the top was just after the rock slide. I told him to just go. He said ok and then bounced up the rock slide. When he got to the top he smiled at me and waved me up to him. I yelled out no. So he shrugged his shoulders and disappeared onto the trail. 

I felt so silly for giving up so close to the end. And I felt like an idiot clinging onto a tree. So I just went for it. I lunged myself forward and up the rock slide. It was so hard and there were times when I did slide back but in the end I made it. I was so excited that I did it. I walked through some trees and then the trail opened up to a beautiful view of Provo Canyon. Tyler saw me and smiled. He came up to me and gave me a big hug and said, "I knew you could do it. I'm glad that you realized that you could do it too." 

Tyler was such a good person. He had a great heart. He was so adventurous and smart. I miss his friendship. I miss him so much. I know that he is ok and happy where he is now. 

If you would like to read what I wrote the day after Tyler died, you are welcome to. Here is the link: Tyler

If you havent read the book Into The Wild by John Krakauer or seen the movie I just want you to know that it reminds me of Tyler so much. Every time I read the book or watch the movie I think of how Tyler wanted to be free. He was always searching for himself, for peace, for freedom. This is one of the songs from the movie sung by one of Tyler's favorite artists.