This has taken me all day to write about.

Wendy said that she would love it if I posted some memories about our adoption experience. And since it is National Adoption month and Sky's birth month, I will.

First of all I just want to say that it's not very easy for me to talk about this with people. Most of the new friends that I have now know nothing of Sky and Solee. Not because I dont want people to know such amazing and wonderful kids but because it is so personal and special to me. With that being said...

SKY

I never thought that I would have a baby when I was still just a kid. I actually thought that I would be getting ready for college my senior year of high school not dropping the pregnancy bomb. The surprising thing was that most people when they found out or saw my giant belly were more accepting of the idea of a kid raising a baby than the idea of adoption. I didnt understand it at all.

Obviously teen pregnancy was not a good thing, especially in the LDS thick of Utah County. I was surely gossiped about. Yet, for some reason when I mentioned adoption I was told NO by so many people. Friends told me that I should just keep the baby, marry Tyler and all would be well in the world. So many people were trying to make a decision for me. Everyone else felt that they knew better than me because hey, I was just a kid.

So I started going to see a counselor about helping me to decide for myself and for my baby what would be best. My counselor Tammi was very open and only wanted to hear what I felt and what I wanted. I brought up adoption and she didnt wince or judge me, she simply just said, "ok." Because of her I was able to truly start a conversation about adoption.

I was only 18. Tyler and I had dropped out of school. We were nowhere near prepared to get married or to raise a family. We could barely take care of ourselves. I knew in my heart of hearts that the life inside me deserved so much more than Tyler and I could give at the time. I loved my baby so much. I have never felt love like that ever. So I stuck with it to the very end. I knew it would break my heart to let my baby go but it would be worth it.

Our families took it hard. Everyone thought that we would keep our baby and live happily ever after. I remember when I told my parents. We went to go see the movie The Patriot together. It was all about family and what you would do for you family. When we got home I cried and blurted out that Tyler and I had chosen adoption. I felt like I had let everyone down. But my parents hugged me and told me they loved me. After that things were different. Our families did the best that they could to cope with the "loss" of a new baby in the family.

Tyler and I began the adoption process. We went through LDS Social Services since they had helped provide my counseling. Tyler and I looked through so many couple's profiles. There was one couple that I liked. I told Tyler about them but when we looked at it together we knew they were not right. So we kept on searching. One day we were looking at profiles and Tyler grabbed my arm. I looked at the profile with him. They were perfect! My heart went ablaze. I knew. I just knew it was them.

The couple was so cute. They had two dogs, every kid should grow up with pets. They liked the outdoors like Tyler and I did. They were artistic, liberal, smart and loving. They were who Tyler and I had envisioned ourselves as in the future. And honestly after seeing a Halloween picture they had in their profile of Wendy, the potential adoptive mother, in a cheerleading suit with funny hair and I believe fake teeth, sealed the deal for me. They also had a sense of humor! That's huge to me. I was in love with them. What sealed the deal for Tyler was a picture of them, or one of them, I cant quit remember, skiing. Tyler loved skiing and being in the nature world. To this day I still believe them to be the most perfect parents ever created. I know Tyler would too.

We told our caseworker Tammi that we had chosen the couple. Tyler, me and our baby were sure. No doubt what so ever. She asked us if we were truly sure and how soon we wanted to tell them. We both agreed as soon as possible. She asked if we wanted to wait until the next day and we both said no. We want them to know NOW. She said ok once again.

Even up until the day of our placement everyone thought I would change my mind. But I loved my baby so much that I could and would NEVER change my mind. My baby deserved a beautiful, wonderful life. I knew that wouldnt be possible with me and Tyler or with me alone.

....

More to come later.