So you wanna know how I am? The answer is simple... not good.

It's really starting to hit me that he is gone. There are memory triggers everywhere. I can't stop crying. I have had two dreams with him in them. One, he was warning and protecting me against false friends. I still don't know who those friends are. The one last night he was reassuring me that he did love me and that I meant a lot to him, even in the end. I woke up happy and then I got really, really depressed. He is still gone.

I am moving out of my apartment tonight and into my mom's. I think about going to work and then I flip out.

I am a mess.

I love him so, so much.