Nothing else seems to matter. Or at least the things I use to think mattered have suddenly become trivial. I want to hug everyone. I want to know who people really are. I want to make amends were it is needed. I want to feel the kind of peace that Tyler must be feeling in every aspect of my life.

I am so very changed. I feel different in every way. The way I see myself in the mirror. The way I look at people. My thoughts. I haven't been dreaming the past week. I can't eat. I lose my train of thought in a heartbeat. Good changes and bad changes. But no matter what it is still change.

I was reading through letters that we had written each other over the years. It made me so happy to see that Tyler had written FOREVER or FOREVER LOVE in almost every letter where I had signed my name. I went into his room the other night and saw that he had a picture of me on the nightstand next to his bed. It was one that he use to keep in his wallet. Maybe he was going to put it away with the letters or the rest of the pictures. I don't know but I was so glad that he had it out. He had seen me recently.

Tonight I will be staying at The Gray's. I will be sleeping in his bed. I wonder if I will dream of him and us and what once was. Tomorrow I fear I will lose it. Hopefully he will help me get through the day.

Someone asked me why I am wearing my wedding ring if we were getting divorced. I told them that it was because my ring symbolizes forever love. He was my best friend. He inspired me in so many ways. He made me the person I am today. Even though we were getting divorced it wasn't because we didn't love each other. It was exactly the opposite. We loved each other so much that we had to let each other go. We wanted to see where the future would take us. He even said to me once that maybe we were always meant to be together and that maybe we would end up together in the end. We loved each other so much. And we only wanted the other to be happy. I am wearing my ring in remembrance of the love that we shared even up until now. It will never die. Forever love truly means forever.

God be with me tomorrow.