We had a good talk tonight. I feel like he finally understands the way that I am feeling about everything. He seemed sincere. He seemed open to everything that I had to say. I know he loves me and he knows that I love him. For once we didn't start off by yelling at each other. We talked like a real married couple is suppose to. It was a really nice talk.
We talked about this year and how awful it has been. A year full of lies, deception, manipulation, broken hearts, endless tears, fear, sorrow, hopelessness, hate, rage, etc. etc. It's almost a joke. But it's not a joke. This is our life. I guess we learned a lot about each other and a lot about ourselves. We also learned exactly what our relationship means to each other. Obviously it is truly important and special.
A few good things, we did get married and we did get to meet him. I learned just how strong I really am. At the same time I learned how fragile I am as well. I learned patience and forgiveness.I learned to say goodbye. And to let go of the things not worth keeping and holding on to the most precious of precious. I learned to never give up. I learned just how much I can handle. I learned so much about myself and life this past year. And that can't be a bad thing.
I have so many hopes and dreams for 2004. This year will be so much better than the last. I feel ok. I don't feel afraid anymore. Everything will be ok.