I don't know how I am doing this. I really don't. Sometimes I feel as though I could have a breakdown at any given minute. Yet here I stand on both feet. I haven't given up. There have been times when I have felt as though giving up would be so much easier than this. It probably would be. But that is not what I want. I don't want to give up. I want all of this work out.
Tomorrow we find out what happens with him. Will he go to jail or will he have to go to drug court? I'm scared.
I feel diconnected from him right now. He doesn't feel any real responsibility to me or our baby. He is wrapped up in his own issues. Again we come last. I understand he has a lot on his mind but it seems that his family (US) is that farthest thing from his mind. He doesn't even call me to let me know where he is staying anymore. It's not a big deal to him. At least not that he has HIS family there now. They shelter him and bail him out. They said they wouldn't but they keep on doing it.
I'm pissed off at the situation. I work my ass off trying to save this damn marriage and it doesn't mean a thing. Sure everyone keeps on telling me how strong I am being and then they turn around and make it even harder for me.
I just don't know. I am at the breaking point. I don't know how much longer I can do all of this. Is it ever worth it anymore?