Currently playing: In Love & Death by The Used

- I'm a fake
I am doubting my abilities all over again.
I threw out a pack of smokes last night. Did I really want to? I said no more alcohol. Did I really mean it? I said no more... Did I really believe it?
I don't know who I am or what I want anymore. There are times when I feel so close to something that seems so right but then I fall flat on my face. I wake with scraped knees and a bruised sense of self. I find myself running down empty hallways toward shadows and moonlight sliding down the walls. What is real anyway? Have I been wrong all along? Is this God just a figment of my imagination? I feel the world spinning out of control around me. No stop. No answers. Only questions. Worries. Fear. Screams. I am running, running, running toward something. I just don't know what it is.
I need out. This place is lonely. My heart feel heavy. How do I breath anymore? How am I even alive? I should have died years ago with the many bottles of pills. I should have died when I walked off that cliff in a moment of psychedelic bliss. I should have died in a missed ride home and a car accident. I should have died that night he found me hanging in the closet. I should have died when he broke my heart all these years. I should have died when he died. I should have died. I have no idea why I am here anymore. I don't want this place. I am selfish. I am tired. I just say fuck it. What a waste. What kind of life is this that always wants the lights to go out? I don't remember a time when I wasn't contemplating suicide.
Something is stirring up in me. I can't keep it hidden anymore. Are you prepared for this scream??? Life alter, bone shattering, soul shaking scream....
You don't really know me. But then again neither do I. I'll warn you when I figure out who she is. Because I have a feeling you will need that warning. She can't be anything but trouble.
Wow.