There is a slight chance that I may in fact have a nervous, emotional, breakdown very, very soon.

I am NOT a product of my environment. No, no, no! I came from a shitty place on one side and a good place on the other. But I am neither good nor bad. I am me. I get to choose my own decisions and follow through... or not.

However, I know that some of us in this family choose to think that they are who they are because of where they/we came from. They are idiots for thinking so. Life can affect us in many ways but ultimately it is US who gets to decide if what has happened will mold who we are or just be a bump in the road.

I love my family very much. I love my siblings like there is no tomorrow. But sometimes I would love to smack the shit out of, no, smack some sense into them. Yes, we love who love. We love how we love. But having a boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/husband/wife is not all there is to life. And living your life around someone else is foolish because in the end.... well if you live your life for someone else no one will live your life for YOU. The life that is meant to be yours will pass you by.

Anyway, I am very upset right now. Trust me that is an understatement. And now I am choosing to get drunk and trying to forget all this shit for just a little while.

PS we havent seen the black widow spider since I posted that picture of it. Tragic.