My sister Andrea is pregnant. She is placing her baby for adoption. I respect her choice not only because I have been there before... twice... but also because I respect a woman's right to choose what is best for her, her body, her baby and her life.
Anyway, this post is not about "that". This post is about photography. In shooting my family and friends over the years I have come to realize many, many things. For one, I love catching candid moments in time. I love the drama that posed pictures can create. But then again I feel incomplete after taking pictures so generic. I feel a bit sad taking the kinds of pictures that literally ANYONE can take.
This is why I am in school. I always wanted to be a photojournalist. I always wanted to capture the scary shit in life. Dodge bullets, outrun wild animals, suffer months of heat/cold/war in order to bring a photograph to the world that would speak volumes to the greater mass.
And yet here I am, weak in my portraiture, scared shitless of doing something that no one has ever done before. I dream of photo essays about drug addicts because it means something to ME and I know it will mean something to someone else. I wish for horrific accidents to happen across the street from my house so that I can come rushing out my front door without a thought or care in the world other than getting that one shot.
I guess... I just see so many generic photographers. Yes, they take beautiful pictures but do they know how to photograph. And if they do why do they let themselves fall so hard into the generic world of photography? Will that be me one day? Is that me.. now and forever more?
I dont want that for myself. I want something meaningful. This scares the hell out of me. How do I make it happen for myself? And more importantly how do I do this while balancing my life as a wife, homeowner, daughter and one day.... mother?
GOD!
4 comments:
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I'm hoping school and mentors will help me learn how to not be generic. I think we just have to take pictures. A lot of them. The more we do, the more able we are to find our true photographer selves. We just have to push ourselves, and try to make each new picture original. I read something that a photographer said once, it was something like this. As long as it's original to you then it's still an original idea. Even if it's been done before. Taking chances on ideas that YOU have come up with, even if afterwards you see that it's already been done, is the key. Trust your instincts. Just do it.
This is what I'm trying to do, anyways.
This was a pretty intense post for me to read for a few reasons...one, about your passion for photography and not knowing what the future holds. I am finding this to cut so close to home, life and wanting is so unpredictable and CHANGING all the time! two, I will need to adopt a baby when the time comes and I have all the respect and gratefulness for women like you and your sister. THANK YOU!
I am so proud of you and Andrea. You are both amazing women and wise beyond your years.
As for your photography, you are awesome! I love your photos, I love your candids and family shoots. As for not being like evey other photographer, you aren't and never will be. We all see things with our own prespective, and you have a unique point of view of the world. For me, because of my own family backround, I wanted, maybe needed is a better word. But I needed to document the good times, I wanted all the good, bad, family, silly times of our lives.
I love you and whatever you do, you will be amazing at it!
I love your insight. I feel the same about photography about all of it being so generic. I wanted to capture candid moments with my family and catalogue the pictures, and all of sudden, people think I am a photographer... Sorry, folks, I am not. I know too many individuals who have a SLR, and all of sudden they think they are a photographer. I hope you perservere and continue with your passion. You are beautiful in all your passions.
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