I was lazy for a long time. Somewhere along the way I just got stuck. I got stuck on watching tv all day and playing on the Internet. When I was a kid we never watched tv. We use to run around and play. We had imaginations bigger than the ocean. Maybe it was because tv became so accessible and we got bored. Whatever it was I spent a lot of time in front of the television. I hate that. Its so terrible spending all day and night watching tv or sitting in front of the computer screen. In the end you are just wasting your time watching someone else live.
Another thing that I have learned is that I use to make excuses for any and everything. And no offense to my family but we ALL have a tendency to make excuses rather than just admit the hard shit. Like, watching tv all day long. I had an excuse for letting myself do that. "I dont feel good today" "It's my day off, so whatever" "My foot hurts I guess I cant go for a walk"
I never wanted to admit that I actually was lazy and procrastinating my life for no real reason. People say you need to do things in your own time. I think that's true to a point. It really shouldnt have taken me 10 years to get my drivers license or to get my high school diploma.
I think I use to make myself sick too. I think I made my body feel like it was falling apart so that it appeared that there was a legitimate reason for my laziness and my willingness to make excuses for my life. I think I started to do it so much that I forgot the difference between real pain and sickness and the fake. It's so, so, so easy to get into this pattern. And you know the silly thing about this all is that everyone saw right through me and they let me get away with it. WHY? I dont know. Maybe they felt sorry for me. Either way looking back I can see that it was rather pathetic on my part.
It's so hard to look at yourself and say, "I really am lazy. I really am making an excuse for not living my life." But now that I have been able to face myself, I can change and I think that I have changed. Obviously I still struggle but now I have the guts to face myself and not let myself fall back into those dangerous patterns. They were deadly because they kept me from living my best life and being the best person that I can be.
I dare you to truly look at yourself in the mirror today. It will change your life.
2 comments:
This was a great post and every single person should be able to relate to it in some way or another. It is really sad that we do these things to ourselves! It is great that you took a look at yourself and had this realization but don't get stuck in the "what ifs" cause that is a shitty way to live as well! I love you Juanita, and I miss seeing your face on a regular basis!
Thank you so much for sharing your introspect of yourself. Sometimes, it is the hardest thing to admit to our follies.
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