This is forever my burden

"Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up." -Thomas Edison


For no particular reason at all I have always had a lack of faith in myself. It has been like a cage to a bird. There are times when I think that I may finally be set free, only to realize that I am forever tied down to that same stupid cage. The cage that has been there, a part of me, for my whole life.

I am a painter, a writer, a photographer.... a natural born artist. And yet here I sit tied down to my hollow art that no longer carries any substance or meaning. At least I don't think that it does. For all I know my art, my creativity, my genius, could be staring me right in the face every day. But I am blind to my own potential. For whatever reason I cannot see straight when it comes to me.

Maybe it's like dreaming my own death. Impossible. But then again maybe it's like the frustration that I feel when I want to shake the sense into the people that I hold dear. Possible but messy. And I don't like cleaning up messes.

I have always been afraid. And art makes me feel like I am in a horror movie. Where do I run? Where do I hide? Will I be the last one standing? Will I make it out alive? I don't know for sure. I am not even sure what this rambling all means. Maybe it's just a vent, carrying my thoughts and worries into the great unknown.

Either way I am not sure if I am my own prisoner or if the world out there is what keeps me forever in the cage....