Some kind of pity party

I have been thinking. I have come to the conclusion that anyone can take a picture. I am feeling rather talentless which seems kind of stupid considering the fact that I spent $900 on a new camera. That being said, I like these two pictures. 

Happy Birthday Tyler!

To be honest, this is terrible of me on so many levels, I forgot today was Tyler's birthday until just now. How is that even possible? How could I forget? I feel awful, really, really awful. 

Anyway, Happy Birthday Stillwell. Today you would have been 27. Thats 10 years since we met. 

I bought a Nikon D80

So far I am in love with it. I am still trying to get to know it better though. Anyway, here are some random test shots with my new camera. Nothing special. Just click on image to enlarge.

My learners permit expires tomorrow. I guess its a good thing that I passed my road test today. Soooo.... after 10 years I am FINALLY getting my drivers license. 

It was really foggy the other day

I just want to be a retro girl

I love Audrey Hepburn and most everything kitschy. I am addicted to ebay and shopping for 40's and 50's style dresses. I just discovered the magic of black liquid liner, cat eyes and lipstick. I like being girly and looking girly. I just found this great blog about vintage hairstyles. Take a look here. 

I am 26 going on 27 and I must say that it has taken me quit some time to pinpoint a personal style. But then again maybe this has been my style all along and I never noticed. Either way I am happy. 

WOW!!!

From a journal entry 1-25-06

"Why do I have this feeling? The feeling that something is right here, right around the corner, right at the front door. Something is there waiting for me to look. Something is waiting for me to take. And this is by no means a small something. This feels very big. I can't quite put it to words. It's just there. I feel it getting closer and closer every day. I feel excited and nervous and scared and thrilled out of my head. When will I know what the hell this thing is? I'm impatient."

I still dont quite know what that something was. Maybe it was nothing. Maybe it already happened and I was so distracted that I missed it. I am not sure either way. 

Anyway...

• This year I am going to get my drivers license. 
  
• I am going to go to college. 
  
• I am going to get a better job that makes me feel good about myself. 
  
• I am going to volunteer at the UMFA. 
  
• I am going to start running again, keep running and not let myself stop running. 
  
• I am going to dress up and wear heels more often. 
  
• I am going to cut ties with people that have no place in my life anymore. 
  
• I am going to read, paint, write and take pictures more this year. 
  
• I am going to gain control of my life. 
  
• And I am going to do one huge thing that I otherwise would have been afraid to do. 
  

New Years resolutions are cheesy but this is my life that I am trying to get in order. So lets just say this is a to do list for the year not resolutions. Wish me luck.

December in no particular order

I DID IT!

After 8 long years I finally did it, I FINALLY got my High School diploma. I am so proud of myself!

Thank you Eric for pushing me so hard this year. And thank you for believing in me. Thank you everyone for your continual love and support. It means the world to me. 

I am so excited!!! YAY ME!

I wonder where I would be right now if I had chosen a different path.

I started a writing blog. You can check it out here. Let me know what you think. 

I am wondering how I can not be seen on my bike. Do you see that bag? It is a giant HOT PINK bag. I wear it almost every single time that I ride my bike. I also make sure to use both front and back bike lights. And I almost always obey the traffic laws while on my bike. 

Today as I was making my way through snowflakes the size of quarters I was almost hit again. For those of you that dont know I have been hit twice and I ALMOST get hit quit frequently. This time I was right in front of the car. Literally, right in front of it. And they went. I screamed and kicked the hood of their car. They stopped in the middle of the road and did nothing while cars honked at them for blocking traffic. Idiots are on the road. Beware.

Anyway, Happy Birthday to my mom! I didnt get killed today. How is that for a present?

Being the oldest sibling is like a blessing and a curse.

I am wondering if we'll have a white Christmas this year. I hope so. I really, really do.

Happy Birthday Eric!

Eric and I met when he was 29. Today he is 32. That's cute. We had a sushi party for him on Saturday with friends. Then tonight we had sushi again with some of Eric's family. I roll some pretty mean rolls. I am glad that Eric is in my life. He is my best friend. I love him dearly. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIC!

The funny thing about having an "ah ha" moment is that right before it hits you feel a bit lost and confused. Today I see things in a completely different light. Today I see myself for who I really am. I am not lesser of a person like I have thought for so long. I wont go into details because the details are a blur. 

Last night I realized that I am happy. I dont need attention from others in order to be myself or to feel ok in my own skin. I have chosen my life's path and while there have been many, many hard times I have no regrets. People can and do talk down to me but they dont take any part of who I am away with them. I love my family and I will always choose them over well, anyone and everyone. I have a good heart. I dont need approval from others. I dont live a life filled with "things". I know how to apologize and mean it. I am not a size 2 but who cares, I like who I have become. I never forget who I am, not even after a few drinks. I am a strong woman and I am continually growing and building a happy, full life for myself. I am a good person.

It feels good to finally, after 26 years, realize these things about myself. I am not perfect and I am obviously human. I cant believe I fooled myself into believing that I was not good enough. What does that even mean, "not good enough"? Good enough for what or for who? Its so stupid. 

I feel really good today. I feel more myself than I ever have before. Thank God for getting into a fight with someone who I always thought was better than me. It really opened my eyes.

What is thought and known

Standing up to someone that has always been thought to be wiser is empowering.... and... painful. My GOD where did age and life really come from???? 

I feel old. Almost 27. I have been thinking about my life on a different level lately. While there have been beautiful things, there have also been awful painful things. I feel very LOST.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SKY!

You are 8! And 8 is great. As a matter of fact you are the greatest boy I have ever known. I love you very much. 

Thank you. I love you guys!